Do you have IAR (I’m Always Right) syndrome? And if so, what to do!
IAR the silent but very real obstacle to your development
So, in true Caroline fashion, I was having one of the many debates that I enjoy having with my best friend, who I believe also suffers from IAR syndrome (I’m Always Right syndrome).
But more on that later!
How I realised I had IAR
The most recent debate was this morning when we were on the phone and having the inevitable ‘I’m going to have a detox January, Veganuary, healthy eating January’ conversation, when the subject eloped into one of my IAR syndrome typical symptoms.
I decided, based on something I’d read or watched many years ago that healthy food is more expensive than junk food.
A pretty common view if you ask me!
I’m not a parent but I’m sure there are parents out there that do a weekly shop that will tell you healthy food, specifically fruit and veg is more expensive than doing a weekly shop based on junk food.
I’ve watched documentaries about it, read articles about it, and even overheard conversations about it, so I was right as far as I was concerned.
And if I’m Always Right then I don’t need to prove my view as right, because well…I’m Always Right!
So, my friend and I (both long-term sufferers of IAR) went into Google mode, trying to find prices of frozen chips, frozen breaded fish, frozen breaded chicken to try and establish why the other person was wrong.
Funny thing is that through the conversation, neither of us were willing to see the other person’s perspective because that would involve daring to question whether we were right.
So, we kept at it, Googling what we’d Googled, explaining why junk food was or wasn’t more expensive than healthy food.
She was trying to prove that it was a myth and instead, junk food is the easy option from an effort and time perspective, and that’s why people opt for that option.
I was trying to prove that you would get more for your money if you opted for junk food at the supermarket, over healthy food.
If you’re reading this and either agree with me, then fantastic! Or disagree with me, that isn’t an issue.
But what is…
…is not being prepared to listen to a different perspective or at least hard statistics and evidence.
The problem with IAR
The whole point of debate is learning either more about another person’s opinion or perspective or at least being open to their opinion and perspective.
Because guess what, there is no guarantee that you are always right no matter what you might think.
And even if you are right, what’s the point of debate if you are not open to being challenged and questioned, how do you go about forming new ideas and opinions?
How do you learn to see the world from a different perspective and not only from your own perspective?
How do you know that the statistics and facts you’re quoting are correct and deemed as concrete evidence?
How do you know if the thing you’re debating about was once based on X statistic and that statistic is now out of date?
Either way, one of the best things to do if you want to grow intellectually is to debate and learn how to debate in a fashion that doesn’t lead to you thinking you’re always right.
What happens when you build your life around IAR
I think I may have developed IAR through the process of studying my undergraduate degree in BA Business and Politics. The more passionate I became about politics, the more I read, learned, studied, watched, and debated the more I was sure of my political opinions and views.
And then what did I do?
I do what most human beings do, we develop social circles with those we have things in common with, and that helps reinforce our ideas because we are generally having discussions with people who think similarly to how we do.
And then your world is shaken when something that doesn’t fit in with your views and opinions happens…
Like Brexit!
How did this happen!!
My understanding was that the majority of people I’d spoken to and debated with, were all Remainers. So where did this anti-Brexit sentiment come from if this was not the majority view?
The answer?
The answer is that it WAS the majority view of the UK, the majority were pro-Brexit (52% of voters to be exact). And I had surrounded myself with Remainers (subconsciously) who believed that remaining in the EU was for the best. So, I was ill-prepared for the referendum outcome when it happened and felt betrayed by my IAR views.
How to combat IAR
So, if you don’t want to learn your IAR is not a true reflection of the views, opinions, and thoughts of the majority then:
Be prepared to be challenged!
Be prepared to be questioned!
Be prepared to be asked for stats and facts!
And be prepared to learn that you have IAR!
IAR is not a syndrome that can’t be combatted, you unlearn your IAR by learning how to debate, challenge and question your IAR views.
The question is how invested you are in intellectual growth, as this will be the ultimate test of how likely you will stop having IAR syndrome and replace it with ICD (I can debate) and IAL (I am learning) syndrome.